There's something about the beach that simply makes people act differently. Seemingly normal, well-adjusted adults suddenly lose all sense of right and wrong. There's a social contract to which we all adhere the vast majority of the time. It's what keeps us from yelling obscenities on the bus and wiping our hands on other people at BBQ restaurants. At the beach, however, that social contract is shredded, set ablaze, and cast into the ocean as ashes. People rationalize just about any behavior at the beach. That's why I wrote The Definitive Guide to Going to the Beach. Because, when you've seen some of the things that I've seen at the beach, you realize that people need help.

Here are some examples of actual human behavior that I have witnessed at the beach:

• A women screaming to her child who was no less than 30 feet away. "Miriam, do you want strawberries?," she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Come eat your strawberries, Miriam!" Miriam never at a single strawberry.
• A nude man combing the beach with a metal detector. That's two weird beach clichés in one.
• A couple having sex in a tent. Did you know that sound can carry through nylon?
• A person using a pool float in the ocean. There were 10-foot waves at the time. It didn't end well.
• A plane towing a banner advertising an over-the-counter drug used to treat an overactive bladder. The last two words of that sentence were the main text on the banner. In large yellow letters.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. If you want to learn how to properly enjoy some sea, sand, and sun, just check out The Definitive Guide to Going to the Beach.